omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
What a dumb baby whore.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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