i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Can I color on your dick again?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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