omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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