Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
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