you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
