So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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