I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
