somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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