I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
