addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
You left your phone here
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