your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
