I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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