i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
