Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Randomize
