he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Is Oprah even human
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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