her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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