He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
