Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
