Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
