it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize