Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
