i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Send help, water and tortillas.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
