How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
