we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
