Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
