this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
