Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
