you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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