Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize
