okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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