Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize