Don't you send me to vm
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
