Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
it glows. i had to have it.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
