I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
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