Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
