i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I looked at my own cervix.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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