i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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