My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
