think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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