yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
this beer tastes like vomit already
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I just had sex on a roof
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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