thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
