what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
