Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
