she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
