Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
