Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
