and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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