**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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