youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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