come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
