She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize