White coat. Heels.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
