so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Even my vagina gasped.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
