The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
