And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
