one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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