Dual....:-)
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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