dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
