Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
