hotel room ftw
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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