youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I think my vagina is haunted
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
